Hot Hands Releases New XTreme Cheddar Blast Flavor
Promotional material claims that the new product will deliver up to ten hours of cheese....
Target Requests That Shoppers Wear Masks While Crushing Others Under Black Friday Stampede
The new regulation will help limit Black Friday deaths — caused by Covid-19....
Botanical Garden Daffodils Escape Cage
People in the surrounding area have been warned to keep an eye out for the wild flower....
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SURE: Faithful Wife Fulfilled After All These Years
Hm. We don’t know if we buy that. You know, Barbara being happy and all. She and Rick have been together, what, going on a couple decades now? And get this — she told us last week that her marriage...
Heartbreaking: This Man Just Broke The Mile Run World Record But No One Saw Because It Was Only Streamed On Paramount+
Absolutely tragic. Earlier this week, Omari Bankole of Kenya ran a mile in 3 minutes and 30 seconds flat, beating the previous world record of 3 minutes and 43 seconds. He trained his entire life for this, and it was...
6 Lululemon Leggings That Will Let People Know You’re Divorced
Now that you’re divorced, you need everyone to know that you’re still sexy and fit. So check out these wildly tight and wildly expensive Lululemon leggings! Be sure to tell the sales associate you’re divorced so they can point you...
Area Runner Debating Whether To Leave Shirt At Home Or Remove It At Start Of Run
Recent reports indicate that long distance runner and Long Beach, California resident Trey Daniels was contemplating whether he should leave his shirt at home or remove it mere moments after beginning his run. “I think I’ll leave it on today,...
5 Full Body Workouts You Can Do In The Comfort Of Your Own Mansion
They say 90% of success in life is just showing up. But these days, even leaving the house can be such a struggle! And when it comes to getting to the gym, the obstacles can really pile up. Does the...
Loser On Antidepressants Still Comes Too Fast
Area total fucking loser Ken Murphy recently baffled experts by regularly ejaculating in record short times despite taking daily prescribed SSRIs. Murphy, 27, initially asked his doctor about making the switch to Lexapro after he caught a commercial that revealed...
Tragic: The Man At The Bottom Of The Peloton Leaderboard Is Dressed As The Flash
This is just heartbreaking. The guy currently at the bottom of the leaderboard in this Peloton 40-minute Rock ‘n Roll Ride is dressed as The Flash. Yep. The Flash, the speedster from DC Comics. According to witnesses, the hopeless Peloton...
Peloton Releases New Pogo Stick
In-home fitness giant Peloton is set to release its new proprietary pogo stick next week. PR experts theorize that the introduction is part of a larger effort to distract consumers from controversies surrounding the company’s commercials and last month’s “Tread+”...