Hangover Cure Supplement No Match For Bucket Of Rum Mixed With Bud Light, Boxed Wine, And Kool Aid
Recent reports show that an area concoction — consisting of bottom shelf rum, warm year-old beer, an already-opened box of...
Breaking: Häagen-Dasz Covid Vaccine Granted Emergency Use Authorization By FDA
Early this morning, sources reported that the FDA has finally approved the long-awaited Häagen-Dasz Covid vaccine for emergency use. The...
Brave: Instead Of Hiring One Plus-Sized Model, Victoria’s Secret Just Hired 9 Size-2 Models
Let’s give a hearty round of applause to Victoria’s Secret for keeping with the times! Instead of hiring one plus-sized...
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Peloton Releases New Pogo Stick
In-home fitness giant Peloton is set to release its new proprietary pogo stick next week. PR experts theorize that the introduction is part of a larger effort to distract consumers from controversies surrounding the company’s commercials and last month’s “Tread+”...
Woman Unsure If New Guy She’s Dating Is Sleeping In His Jeep The Fun Way Or The Sad Way
Area woman Carissa Heenan has reportedly been unable to tell if the new guy she’s been dating for the past three weeks is sleeping in his Jeep the fun, adventurous way or in a sad way due to unforeseen situations...
7 Workout Shirts That’ll Make People Think ‘This Guy’s Got Some Nips’
Some biologists believe men’s nipples could get smaller over time with evolution. Not yours. You’ve got nips for weeks, and it’s time for them to shine. Are you looking for one of those workout shirts so thin and stretchy it...
8 Goats Who Are Probably Better At Yoga Than You
Tired of those damn goats showing off every week at goat yoga? So are we. Session after session, they’re the ones who get all the attention. But you have to admit, by this point, they’ve gotten pretty good. Here are...
This Latex-Free Condom Won’t Prevent Pregnancies Or STIs But It’s Biodegradable
This just in: Trojan recently released a latex-free condom that’s completely biodegradable! According to company marketing material, Trojan wants condom wearers to help fight climate change by “going green with your peen.” Finally! No longer do horny teens have to...
Grounds For Divorce? This Woman Asked For Jewelry And Got A Fucking Fitbit
Brace yourself because what you’re about to read is one of the greatest injustices ever recorded in human history. Area woman Jennifer Webber is Googling “divorce lawyers near me” after her clueless husband Jack got her a fucking Fitbit for...
4 Exercises You Could Do If You Were That Pokémon With 4 Arms
Do you have four arms like that one Pokémon Machamp? If so, the hows and whys aren’t important. What is important is that you use those extra limbs to get nice and swole. These exercises will keep you from looking...
4 Ways You Can Use Your Dildos As Cooking Hacks
Dildos are great, but did you know they have many uses other than just bringing sexual pleasure? Dildos are actually extremely useful in the kitchen! Here are the five best ways to cook some delicious food with your favorite piece...