WANDERLUST

Airplane Waste Tanks Recycled Into Food

A new investigation taking place at three of the world’s major airports suggest that all airline meals are made from the contents of airplane toilets.

“Our findings show that all economy airplane meals are created by extracting the contents of cabin lavatories and then molding the contents into what passengers think is chicken, or something,” reported FAA inspector Marjorie Hanes.

Some passenger favorites, such as the lasagna served in the economy cabins of United, are allegedly made from scraps of toilet paper and tissues found in waste bins. The FAA also found that desserts on most airlines are baked from the contents of backseat pockets.

While some passengers were horrified to hear the disturbing revelation, others were unfazed.

“You know, I’ve been eating Wendy’s for years now,” said Delta Sky Miles member Michael O’Connell, “so it’s basically the same thing.”

While most major airlines have refused to comment, some airlines have made statements regarding their shitty food.

“Yeah, we thought people knew this already,” said American Airlines CEO Doug Parker. “Wasn’t it obvious?”

At press time, investigations found that the hot towels served in first class are actually just warm diapers from the economy trash bins.

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