HEALTH

Doctor Confuses Patient Samples With Personal Lemonade Supply

Recent, unsettling reports coming from the University of Minnesota’s hospital show that Dr. Henry Silver confused his personal supply of lemonade with patient samples.

Dr. Silver, who keeps his stash of lemonade in the exact same containers that he uses for samples of urine, has not reported any negative side effects since drinking the piss.

“I should’ve known that this was going to happen eventually,” said Dr. Silver. “My wife always tells me I should keep my lemonade in a different type of container, but I was always too lazy to go to the store, so I just used what I had on hand.”

Patients have reported annoyance at having to come back into the hospital to produce more urine samples.

“I promise I won’t get it mixed up this time,” Dr. Silver told one frustrated patient, whose piss he remembered was strikingly tangy. “I’ll be sure to make a mental note that your urine is a few shades darker than my favorite Minute Made. And a hell of a lot warmer, too.”

While Dr. Silver has committed to do better at labeling his short containers of lemonade, he has shown no signs of agreement to use a water bottle or alternate type of container.

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