Vegan Shoes Not Even Edible

New reports are claiming that Veja shoes, an allegedly “vegan” shoe, is not even edible.

“Why would they brand themselves as vegan if you can’t even eat the shoes?” asked Michael Jennings, as he was carried away on a stretcher to go get his stomach pumped. “It’s ridiculous.”

Following the incident, Veja spokesperson Desmond Smith explained that “vegan” means that the shoes aren’t made with animal leather and therefore can be worn by vegans but aren’t suitable for consumption.

“We understand the confusion behind our products, but we would like to emphasize one more time that our shoes cannot be digested by the human body,” said Smith. “Think about it. Would you eat a regular shoe?”

Despite this, Jennings’ case wasn’t the first incident of hungry Veja owners. To date, over 50 people have died from trying to consume the shoe branded as vegan.

“My only son choked from choking on a so-called vegan shoe,” said area mother Mary West. “It’s false advertising at its worst.”

“I think the confusion stems from the fact that the word ‘vegan’ is usually used to refer to foods that people who don’t use animal products can eat,” said Smith. “But in this case, vegan refers to products that people who don’t use animal products can wear.”

Lawmakers are lobbying for Veja to change its branding so that people no longer mistake the shoes as food.

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