NEWS

Arby’s Introduces New Meat Shakes

New promotional materials reveal that later this month, Arby’s will be rolling out three different varieties of beef-based smoothies.

Sources have confirmed that the first seasonal menu of meat shakes will include Beef ‘n Cheddar, Fire Roasted Philly, and Smokehouse Brisket.

“Here at Arby’s we pride ourselves on bringing our customers the most unique possible ways to consume meat,” said Arby’s CEO Paul Brown. “So we’re proud to announce our new beef shakes, which will allow you to slurp up your Big Beef ‘n Cheddar on the go!”

Depending on flavor, the shakes are made by combining the previous day’s beef with condiments, ice, sugar, and then putting it all in an industrial-sized blender. Toppings include chocolate sauce, walnuts, gummy bears, and cookie dough.

Initial customer reviews have been highly positive, with some customers even claiming that they’ll never be able to go back to meat-free drinks.

“Sippin’ my Smokehouse Brisket through a straw as I chow down on my Loaded Italian in my other hand is a dream come true,” said Arby’s customer Lawrence Hill. “My only problem with it is that there isn’t a bigger size!”

The meat shakes come in 24, 28, and 32 oz. cups. For only one dollar extra, customers can upgrade to the 64 oz. Super Slurp, which will give customers two full ounces of delicious, liquefied beef.

A new advertisement claims that Arby’s has the meats, now served as a liquid with whipped cream and sprinkles.

A consensus has not yet been reached about whether or not the shakes are dessert items, but Atlanta news sources have already dubbed them the most refreshing drink of the summer.

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