Sources close to the scene are reporting that Freddy Krueger, the horror movie star who has knives coming out of his fingers, is in a state of despair after attempting to finger his girlfriend of only two weeks.
“It’s just not fair,” lamented Krueger, wiping some warm blood off the tips of his razors. “I finally found someone who accepted me for who I was, and I just had to go and mess it all up.”
Despite Krueger’s criminal record, he claims that this latest mutilation was completely accidental and a “traumatic way to end a Friday night of romance.”
Krueger, when pressed, said that he didn’t want to discuss the matter any further, as he was both humiliated and depressed about the unintentional slicing of his partner’s genitals.
“I’m going to make it up to her,” said Krueger, being very careful not to graze himself as he wiped away a tear. “If she ever makes it out of the ICU, I’m going to be the best boyfriend ever.”
Doctors are not optimistic about the recovery of the dream invader’s girlfriend, but if she does ever get better, they say she may never be able to walk again.
As Krueger’s girlfriend has spent the past few hours in a medically induced coma, her family has requested that her new boyfriend use his tongue next time.