How To Roast Vegetables

Spinach: Looks good but shrivels down to absolutely nothing

Onion: Can’t even look at this one without crying

Tomato: This one’s a complete fruit

Broccoli: Do not even get us started on broccoli

Beetroot: Next

Potato: If this one were a person, it would be your mom

Zucchini: Cucumber’s disabled cousin

Mushroom: The only good thing about mushroom is that sometimes it’s poisonous and will kill you so you don’t have to remember the terrible experience of eating a mushroom

Cauliflower: The disgusting prototype of broccoli

Romaine: Has absolutely no substance

Eggplant: Bad 99.8% of the time

Carrot: Oh my god, ew

Cucumber: If the entire nation of England were a vegetable, it would be a cucumber

Butternut Squash: Only relevant during one month of the year

Pepper: Pepper is actually good. Leave pepper alone.

Scallion: So irrelevant that we can’t remember if this is a vegetable or seafood

Asparagus: Bad

Pea: Pea? More like piss

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