HEALTH

Irresponsible Mother Feeding Child Regular Gas

Recent reports show that irresponsible mother Dana Walker from Scarsdale, New York has been feeding her child regular gasoline instead of midgrade or premium.

Scientists have confirmed that feeding a child regular petrol can have life-threatening side effects, such as heart conditions, stroke, coma, and epilepsy.

Walker has been panned by other parents in Scarsdale for feeding her child such low-quality gasoline.

“Feeding a kid regular gasoline could cause serious health defects,” said Walker’s neighbor, Debbie Grant. “That’s why I feed all three of my kids premium straight from the pump.”

“Dana Walker needs to be reported to child services,” continued Grant, pumping her 9-year-old full of the finest fuel Sunoco has to offer. “She’s gonna end up causing irreparable brain damage.”

Walker has also been criticized by leading pediatricians, who claim that any gasoline below 91 can seriously stunt a developing child’s growth.

Nutritionists have confirmed that Shell and BP are much better for a developing child than Gulf or Mobil. Many have recommended that parents should occasionally feed their kids Diesel as a special treat.

At press time, new evidence was showing that Walker hasn’t brought in her child for an inspection in over a year.

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