Tragic new reports show that the real cause of dinosaur extinction was due to over-hunting for dinosaur nuggets.
“While we’ve always thought that there was some giant meteor that came and destroyed the dino population, it turns out that people were hungry for dino nuggets even in prehistoric days,” said paleontologist Howard Williamson. “It’s upsetting that the cause of dinosaur extinction was preventable, but who can blame the caveman for wanting delicious breaded nuggets?”
Although all dinosaurs eventually went extinct, researchers agree that the Tyrannosaurus rex was the first to go, as it was the most popular shape.
Theories have arisen that the myth of meteor extinction was concocted by the dino nugget industry, desperate to cover up its greed. Evidence includes early cave drawings of bowmen not only hunting deer and antelope, but also Stegosaurus and Triceratops.
“Another factor of the extinction was that early humans stole thousands of dinosaur eggs to put in their oatmeal,” continued Williamson.
“The reason chicken nuggets are so popular today is because chickens are distant relatives of dinosaurs,” said FDA researcher Mary Murphy, “meaning that chicken satisfies that primal urge for dino meat.”
At press time, conservationists were urging Pepperidge Farms to stop using real goldfish in their crackers.