Pilot’s Announcement In Different Language Probably About Engine Malfunction

According to non-French speaking sources on Air France flight 098 from Paris (CDG) to New York (JFK), the pilot’s recent announcement was likely about engine failure.

“Des boissons seront bientôt servies,” announced pilot Jean-Pierre Henry, causing everyone ignorant of the French language to panic. “Nous espérons que vous appréciez le vol.”

As Henry made a brief announcement following the seatbelt sign turning on, passenger Sally David’s entire life flashed before her eyes. While most of the announcements were promptly translated into English, intercom static combined with a heavy French accent caused Henry’s voice to be completely unintelligible.

“Nous volons maintenant à 10,000 mètres,” said Henry, prompting passenger Bradley Larson to assume the brace position and pray that the aircraft wasn’t about to split in half and empty out its screaming contents like in Lost. “Il fait beau.”

When Henry made another announcement to describe the trans-Atlantic flight’s dinner options of charcuterie and nicoise salad, Larson interpreted it as a warning that the plane was about to completely de-power, causing it to nosedive into the unforgiving ocean with slim chances of survival for anyone onboard.

Henry spoke again to apologize for some minor turbulence as the aircraft began its initial descent, causing abject horror from all English-speaking passengers, whose lack of linguistic expertise led them to believe that the plane would be crash-landing into some provincial patisserie or boulangerie.

“I never even had a chance to tell Jess I love her,” moaned passenger Dan Cohen, after Henry announced, “Merci de voler avec nous.”

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