HEALTH

Planned Parenthood Intern Sick Of Cleaning Out Baby Vacuums For Third Time This Week

Planned Parenthood intern Patricia Willis reported last Thursday that she’s tired of scraping out the baby vacuums for the third time this week.

“Oh, God, not again,” said the disgusted Willis, visibly dreading having to scrub out all the fetus guts.

“Usually after I clean out all the big chunks, I have to go in there with my finger to clear out all the fleshy remains that cling to the sides,” continued Willis, inserting her bare hand into the bloody tube. “Hopefully it won’t take as long today as it did last time.”

While Willis doesn’t look forward to the task, she admits that it’s better than the spreadsheets that the other unpaid interns are working on.

“Almost done,” said Willis, scooping out some slime and washing it down the sink. “It’s pretty clogged up today.”

“You gotta start somewhere,” said Willis, who has dreams of working in Planned Parenthood corporate someday. “But I guess this is what unpaid internships are all about.”

“At least I’m getting course credit,” said Willis, washing some fetal remains down the drain.

At press time, Willis wasn’t sure if the vacuum dregs were supposed to go in the regular trash or the compost.

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