NUTRITION

‘Tomato Fruit,’ Points Out Expert Botanist

According to area man Caleb Fuentes, who is apparently an expert botanist now, tomato fruit.

“Tomato fruit,” reported the genius Fuentes, bestowing upon us sweet, sacred knowledge that has long eluded all corners of the earth. “Tomato not vegetable. Seeds make tomato fruit.”

Everyone who was present when Fuentes shared his ingenious epiphany was in pure awe at the profundity of such knowledge, grateful that, after all these years of living in ignorance, their ears had finally been graced with such glory and truth.

“I’ve never heard something so intelligent and yet so true,” reported Sandra Hayes, who was in the room when Fuentes shared his never-before-heard insight. “It just gives me a whole new outlook on life.”

“It’s the only thing that’s ever made sense to me.”

“Tomato fruit!” demanded Fuentes once more, generously blessing every ear that was lucky enough to perceive the sound of the voice of the messiah himself. “Tomato not vegetable! Tomato fruit!”

Reports are surfacing that Fuentes’s inspirational message is being spread around the world and translated into every language so that all 8 billion of earth’s children can experience such beauty and truth.

New information shows that Fuentes has developed a sizeable worldwide following, eager to share the newfound revelation with their neighbors and worship the order that one righteous man was able to dig out of all the chaos.

At press time, monuments of Fuentes were being erected in the capitol of every city on the planet.

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