NUTRITION

Cool! This Diet Pill Is Just Full Of Tapeworms

Tired of diet pills that claim they work only to see no results? The wait is over! Contrave has just released a diet pill that uses brand new technology to make sure that everyone who takes it will lose weight.

And what’s the new technology? Buckle your seatbelts, because this one’s a really neat idea! The pill is full of tapeworm eggs, which, when hatched, will cause the pounds to just slip right off.

Awesome! The tapeworm parasite causes the host to lose weight because those cute ‘lil guys hang out in the intestines and eat all the food that comes in. Aw — that’s adorable! Who wouldn’t want a little buddy to share all their meals with?

Let’s all thank the geniuses over at Contrave for creating this creative solution! It’s a win-win situation — the humans gets to eat whatever they want, and the tapeworms get to feast on the remains of that food during the digestive process! So cute. It’s like having your own little pet.

And the best part is, you can eat whatever you want to eat, and you can have as much as you want. The genius of the pill is that tapeworms aren’t picky! They’ll eat the liquified remains of whatever you want to eat, and they’re always hungry!

If you’re like us, you’ll already be asking when you can get your hands on the miracle pill. Have no fear, because Contrave is releasing it just in time for the holiday season. Gorge yourself on eggnog, gingerbread houses, candy canes, pecan pie, and fruit cake! Your new best friends hanging out in your intestine will love it all.

So start farming your gut today, and watch the fat practically fall off!

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