NEWS

Illegal Seafoods Offering Limited Time $5.99 Whale Nuggets

New promotional material shows that Illegal Seafoods, the competitor of Boston-based seafood chain Legal Seafoods, will be offering limited time $5.99 whale nuggets.

“We’re proud to deliver our customers food that’s finest in quality and deplorable in legality,” stated Illegal Seafoods CEO Harry Barrack. “That’s why our new whale nuggets come in four exciting varieties — humpback, beluga, sperm, and killer.”

The new delicacy will reportedly be breaded, deep-fried, and served on a bed of baleen bristles. Initial customer reviews are claiming that the nuggets pair best with an appetizer of shark fin soup.

“The whale nuggets are a little chewier than the pufferfish steak, but I’d give them a solid seven out of ten,” said Illegal Seafoods customer Mary Harris. “I’d definitely order them again, but first I want to try the roasted sea turtle, queen conch, and beluga caviar.”

The new promotion is also set to include a free selection of dipping sauces, including saltwater crocodile sauce, coral cream, and dolphin dip.

“If you order during happy hour, we’ll throw in a few free pieces of seal sashimi,” stated Barrack. “Use the code ‘PENGUINPIE’ for a discount on a side of manatee mash.”

At press time, Illegal Seafoods was updating its seasonal menu to include marine creatures recently included on the 2020 list of endangered species.

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