NUTRITION

Low On Cash? Here’s How To Get Organic Produce Without Spending A Penny

Organic food can be expensive. So what do you do if you’re short on funds but still want to maintain a diet free from pesticides, growth hormones, and fertilizers? Have no fear! This one foolproof trick will allow you to get organic produce without spending a single penny.

All right, so listen close, and keep your voice down. Neither of us look suspicious, so as long as you act completely normal, we should be good. This place is pretty crowded today, so you should be able to get through those doors without anyone noticing.

You ever done this before, kid? You look a little nervous. But I’m telling you, you got nothing to worry about as long as you don’t draw attention to yourself. Or me. You can do this.

All right, here’s the plan. I’m gonna create a distraction by talking to the employee at the door. I’ll ask about discounts or something, or maybe store hours. While I’ve got her occupied, that’s when you make your way over to the organic produce section.

It was a great choice to wear that winter jacket. Yeah, it’s not that cold out, but I promise, you don’t look suspicious. When no one’s looking, take as much organic fruit as you can and shove it in your pockets. You know, apples, loose grapes, plums, lemons, cucumbers, and peppers or some shit.

When you think your pockets are full, stuff some shit inside the jacket and then zip it up. No, you won’t look suspicious, I promise — just a little fat. No one’s gonna suspect anything, I swear.

Just act cool. Be totally natural about it. A couple bananas isn’t gonna set off a metal detector. And when you’re leaving the store, be friendly to the employee by the door. Give her a nice smile, and she won’t suspect nothing. It’ll all be totally worth it in the end. You don’t wanna go back to eating that non-organic crap, do you?

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