NEWS

New Nathan’s Sausages To Include Real Dachshund

New Nathan’s Famous marketing materials have revealed that the chain’s latest limited edition sausages will be made of real dachshund meat.

“We’re proud to finally offer customers the quality meat they’ve long been craving,” said Nathan’s CEO Eric Gatoff. “Our hot dogs have always looked like sausage dogs, and now they’ll finally taste like them.”

“We’ve finally put the dog in hot dog,” continued Gatoff.

Quality assurance testers have given Nathan’s the green light, praising the chain for being a trailblazer in substituting the least desirable parts of a cow for the least desirable parts of a puppy.

According to one promotional poster, the dachshunds are sustainably farmed and cage-free. Despite the poster, PETA is currently firing allegations against Nathan’s for instantly separating newborn puppies from their mothers and pumping the doggies full of antibiotics.

New Nathan’s commercials claim that customers will “roll over” and “wag their tails” for the restaurant’s latest treat. Sales have been high so far, with customers lining up around the block to eat what was once a very good boy.

“Wait, the hot dogs weren’t already made of real dog?” asked area customer Bart Carrow.

According to witnesses, the Coney Island Nathan’s location was serving the hot dogs in novelty dog bowls.

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