NEWS

Limited Edition Marmite Will Harvest Yeast Extract Straight From Yeast Infections

According to new promotional material, a new limited edition version of Marmite, everyone’s favorite British yeast extract spread, will harvest the yeast straight from human yeast infections.

“Our new yeast infection edition has an even more distinct flavor than regular Marmite,” said head of Marmite marketing Brenda Whim. “In addition to capturing that classic Marmite kick, even lifelong Marmite lovers are saying that human yeast infections give the spread a new and improved flavor profile.”

While certain health officials have questioned the safety of deriving the spread’s signature yeast extract from infected genitals, worldwide OB/GYNs have confirmed that the delicious spread is safe to eat.

Marmite has announced that it will be accepting donations from those suffering with yeast infections.

“I’m so excited to try the new edition of Marmite,” said Dalia Mack, who recently contracted a yeast infection. “And since I’ve been a lifelong fan of the spread, I figured I might as well donate!”

During a preliminary release in select UK stores, jars of the infection spread were flying off the shelves. Popular with sandwich lovers and deranged perverts alike, Marmite is preparing to bring the product to North America.

Marmite has adjusted its classic “You Either Love It Or Hate It” slogan to “Yeast Infections: You Hate Them, We Love Them.”

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