WELLNESS

Neanderthal Parents Concerned About Kid’s Violent Cave Drawings

Returning to their cave after a long day of hunting and gathering, Paleolithic parents Ook and Grog were reportedly disconcerted to see that their son Thag had carved a series of violent images on the stone walls of their underground home.

Witnesses attest that the seven-year-old cro-magnon’s cave drawings had recently taken on a disturbingly dark quality — previously known for scratching harmless tick marks on the cave walls, Thag is now said to scratch images of people with spears hunting down wooly mammoths and saber tooth tigers ripping each other’s heads off. 

“I know life hasn’t been easy as of late, and I know that can take a toll on kids,” said Thag’s mother, Ook, referring to the two ice ages and the volcano eruption their nomadic tribe recently survived.

 “I’m wondering if I should maybe sit Thag down and grunt with him about it,” added Ook later. 

Thag’s father Grog was reportedly less concerned about his son’s unsettling artwork, commenting that such behavior is “rarely a red flag” and is “actually pretty common in early humans like Thag.” 

At press time, Thag was witnessed engaging in the alarming activity of catching and pulling the legs off of a trilobite.

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