NUTRITION

So You Want To Know The Secret Two-Ingredient Recipe To Our Grandmother’s Famous Salty Broccoli, Huh?

So you think you’re worthy of being one of the few people in the entire world to know the secret, huh? You think that out of all of the other people in the whole world, it should be you who is the keeper of this hallowed information, kept under wraps for generations without a single uninitiated soul ever finding out?

Well, we’ll tell you something about the top secret recipe to our grandmother’s world famous Salty Broccoli. You might not believe us, but it’s true. The recipe is a burden to all who hold it.

Imagine being one of the only keepers of a piece of information that has been kept so secret for centuries. Every generation, one person is selected to be the bearer of the information — and it is a curse, not a blessing. People have died to keep this secret. Entire towns have burned down, worlds shattered. People who think they can take it are never the same. It drives them crazy. So you still want me to share the only two ingredients with you? You really think you can handle it?

Look, we really think you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into here. This recipe has been passed down for generations, and it’s clear you don’t understand how hallowed it is. Okay? We get you really want to know, but maybe you can come up with your own top-secret, hallowed dish. Maybe?

Alright, alright. we get it — if we were you, we would also be itching to know the two clandestine ingredients to our grandmother’s Salty Broccoli. But the thing is, we can’t tell you. We just can’t. That’s how it is, alright? It’s hallowed. We can’t go telling any random person who asks, got it? But at this point, we’ll do anything to make you stop pestering us. The one thing we can do is give you a hint. It’s just a small hint, and then you gotta get the hell outta here, okay? We’ve said too much already.

The hint is that there are two ingredients. We can’t tell you what they are because I’ve been sworn to secrecy, but we can tell you that Salty Broccoli has only two ingredients. Okay? Is that enough for you? You already know more information that 99.99% of the population because no one is supposed to ever know. Ever. You can’t go running around the streets telling anyone who asks for the recipe. Capeesh?

Seriously, if you say anything, it could cost us our life. And yours. Could you imagine if the whole world knew the two secret ingredients in Salty Broccoli? The consequences would be dire. Dire! You get that, right?

Now you might understand what a burden it is to have some information about the top secret ingredients of Salty Broccoli. But could you imagine how much of a burden it is for us? We’re the last living survivor who holds this eternal secret, this ancient information that no one can ever know. You see how much we have to live with? Multiply the weight on your shoulders by a million. And then multiply that by ten. That’s how it feels to be the last entity on earth who knows that the two ingredients to our grandmother’s extremely top secret Salty Broccoli recipe are broccoli and salt.

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