In an effort to ensure fairness following the last presidential debate, which has been described by many as “disastrous,” the Commission on Presidential Debates announced it will be making changes to the upcoming debate formats by making it so that a candidate cannot speak unless he has the talking stick.
Commonly found in elementary school classrooms, a talking stick is a decorated handheld object used to discourage speakers from talking out of turn. The commission reportedly came up with the idea of using a talking stick after many parents flocked to social media following the previous debate, saying, “even my kindergartner knows not to speak out of turn.”
“The rules of the talking stick are simple,” said debate commissioner Harmon O’Leary. “Only the candidate holding the talking stick is allowed to talk. If a candidate is not holding the talking stick, he must wait for his turn.”
Though many pundits have hailed the new talking-stick method as “foolproof,” the reactions of the candidates’ campaigns to the idea have been lukewarm.
“I’m not opposed to giving the talking stick the old college try,” said former vice president Joe Biden, before noting that he is “doubtful it will dissuade the president from speaking out of turn though, unless it gives off an electric shock or something like that.”
“Unlike ‘Sleepy Joe,’ I don’t need a stick to talk. That’s what mouths are for #talkingstickmoreliketalkingschtick,” tweeted President Trump.
At press time, the Trump campaign agreed to use the talking stick in the next debate, but only if Trump’s stick could be bigger than Biden’s.