FEATURED FITNESS

Guy In Gym Not Lifting Enough To Moan Like That

Witnesses at the New York Sports Club in Brooklyn, New York unanimously agree that area man Justin Freeland was not lifting nearly enough to be moaning that loudly.

Freeland was doing bicep curls with 10-pound dumbbells when he let out his first moan, loud enough to suggest that he was either in serious physical pain or approaching climax during an extremely intense sexual encounter.

“Urgh!” shouted a red-faced Freeland, as he squatted while holding an eight-pound medicine ball. “Ah!”

Sources confirm that, even though most were wearing headphones, everyone in the gym could hear the elongated cries that Freeland produced every single time he made an even slightly strenuous movement.

“Rah!” he screamed while doing knee push-ups, as if he were an action movie hero who had just been shot. “Rorg!”

While the occasional outburst may be understandable for someone who is curling 40s, Freeland couldn’t have been lifting much more than people do when bringing groceries from the car to the fridge.

Gym-goer Michael Abrams was about to ask a heavily-breathing Freeland if he was okay, just as Freeland made eye contact with himself in the mirror, pounded his chest, and screamed, “Got nothing!”

Despite doing shoulder presses with weight that would be doable for a teenage girl, Freeland continued his pained ululations with a fervor that could have been shared by a woman in labor.

At press time, the man benching 300 right beside Freeland was completely silent.

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