FEATURED NUTRITION

Area Woman Observing Meatless Monday Can’t Wait To Binge On Arby’s This Tuesday

According to local sources, area woman Dana McCarthy is ready for a Big Beef ‘n Cheddar on Tuesday after abstaining from eating meat for all of Monday.

“I observe Meatless Monday because it’s important for all of us to do our part and make this planet a more sustainable place,” said McCarthy, who couldn’t wait to tuck into a Smokehouse Brisket sandwich after she finished stuffing her face with handfuls of roast beef. “It’s just a nice thing that, every Monday, we can show both the animals and the planet that we care.”

Witnesses confirm that McCarthy was checking the clock every few moments throughout Monday, as if eager for Tuesday to come so that she could shove a nice Chicken Bacon Swiss in her hungry mouth.

“If everyone observed Meatless Monday, it could have a huge impact on the planet,” continued McCarthy, ready to eat enough meat on Tuesday to make up for all the meat she didn’t eat on Monday.

McCarthy’s family members have described the terrible moods she enters on Mondays and the sadness that overtakes her around mealtimes. Reports confirm that she often sits at the dinner table with a melancholy expression, forlornly pushing vegetables around her plate as she lusts over the thought of a Jalapeño Bacon Ranch Chicken Wrap from the beloved neighborhood Arby’s.

As soon as the clock struck midnight, McCarthy was seen ordering a Fire-Roasted Philly.

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