NEWS

‘I’m Not Sharing Who I’m Voting For,’ Says Trump Supporter

Local sources in Milwaukee, Wisconsin have deduced that area voter Martha Griswald, who always enters an irritated and secretive state when asked who she’s voting for in the upcoming election, must be voting for incumbent President Donald J. Trump.

“It’s my right not to tell anyone who I’m voting for,” said Griswald, who wouldn’t have any reason to hide who she’s voting for if it were a non-racist candidate. “It’s completely within my constitutional rights to keep that information to myself.”

Although usually loud and outspoken regarding any political topic, Griswald adopted an uncharacteristically quiet demeanor when a group of her friends began discussing if they were casting their ballots for Biden or Trump.

“Why should I have to tell you who I’m voting for?” insisted Griswald later, before climbing into her husband’s pick-up truck, coated with bumper stickers and flying an American-and-Gadsden flag. “We should all just be grateful that we live in a country where we can have a free and fair election — as long as the fake news media stays out of it.”

When a volunteer from the Biden campaign later called and asked Griswald if she would be supporting Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, Griswald immediately went on a tirade about how her political beliefs are not public information, therefore indicating that she supported the candidate responsible for thousands of Americans’ COVID-19-related deaths.

“We all need to get out and vote on November 3rd, no matter the candidate,” Griswald later posted on Facebook. “And let’s all pray that our great nation realizes that mail-in ballots are a liberal hoax that’ll hand the election to the socialists!”

At press time, Griswald was zipping up her sweatshirt to cover a MAGA shirt that she’d accidentally worn outside the house.

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