What a relief. We’ve been dreading seeing her all week. COVID really came in clutch this time.
Could you imagine if she’d tested negative? We’d have to sit here and listen to her talk about her boyfriend all night. God, she’s obsessed with him, can’t she see he’s not even right for her? Lucky for us, we won’t have to hear it.
We really didn’t expect her to test positive since she’s been wearing a mask and social distancing and stuff. That’s why we tried not to get too excited when we first heard she had that nasty cough. But it looks like the Corona gods have ruled in our favor and we won’t have to see her ugly face for at least two weeks!
Wow, this’ll be the first time we can hang out without her in months. Sure, it’s nice to see her every now and then, but for now we’re just glad she’s coughing up a lung and can’t leave her apartment.
Holy cow! She just texted the group chat she has a fever of 103. Woohoo! You know what that means? It wasn’t a false positive! Fuck yeah. That’s the last we’ll be seeing of Jess for at least two more weekends.
She already just asked to do a Zoom happy hour, but we can probably just mute her, right? It’s not that it wouldn’t be nice to check on her in ten days or so, but her cough would just be really loud and annoying.
Anyway, let’s just focus on enjoying tonight — it’ll be just us, without that annoying follower inserting herself all the time.