NEWS

Desperate Trump Claims 1 Electoral Vote Following Victory In William H. Johnson Elementary Mock Election

Following 36 hours of prematurely claiming victory in states that haven’t yet counted all their votes, President Trump has claimed a singular electoral vote from winning the mock election of the William H. Johnson Elementary school in Perryville, Missouri.

Trump’s false claim that William H. Johnson’s mock election is worth one electoral vote is not even the most outrageous of the hundreds of other lies he’s told since Tuesday.

“Victory at William H. Johnson!” tweeted Trump on Thursday morning, pathetically resorting to a fake elementary school election after running out of states from which to gain real electoral votes. “The great result brings us even closer to 270 as the Crooked Dems try to steal the election! We were winning just like at WHJ, and ballots appear out of nowhere. We won’t stand for it!”

Located in Perryville, William H. Johnson is in one of Missouri’s most conservative school districts. Despite this, Trump’s margin was much thinner than school-wide polling anticipated, likely because of a liberal 3rd grader’s success in mobilizing all of Mrs. Wexler’s class.

“We’ve run a great campaign, many are saying the best campaign in history, at William H. Johnson Elementary,” said Trump to a crowd of cheering supporters, trying to scrounge out one more electoral vote. “Principal Meyers has counted all the votes, and it’s a decisive win for the Trump Train.”

Despite Trump’s declaration of victory, new reports show that legal ballots are still coming in from Mrs. Smith’s 5th grade class.

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