NEWS

Arby’s Finishes Filling Quarry With Oil To Use As Industrial Turkey Deep Fryer

Sources have confirmed that popular fast-food chain Arby’s has finished the process of filling a giant quarry with peanut oil so it can be used as an industrial turkey deep fryer for this year’s Thanksgiving menu specials.

The quarry, located right outside Altoona, Pennsylvania, will allow Arby’s to deep-fry up to 100,000 turkeys at a time.

“Our new quarry fryer will allow us to provide Americans the holiday specials they deserve,” said Arby’s CEO Paul Brown. “The only way to meet the demand for our Deep Fried Turkey Club and Market Fresh Cranberry Deep Fried Turkey Wrap was to find a fryer capable of boiling thousands and thousands of gallons of oil.”

According to Arby’s engineers, the company spent the entire month of October hollowing out the area under the quarry so that it can be filled with gasoline and ignited, bringing the lake of oil to a boil capable of frying thousands of turkeys at once.

While certain environmental groups have held protests outside the deep-frying site, Arby’s has assured consumers that the grave environmental impacts will be worth biting into that crispy, succulent Market Fresh Cranberry Deep Fried Turkey Sandwich.

“Every day at five in the morning, I’m woken up by a caravan of garbage trucks filled to the brim with turkey carcasses,” said Nathan Granger, who lives less than a mile from the quarry. “The trucks then line up on the side of the quarry and dump hundreds and hundreds of the birds into the bubbling oil.”

Company executives have already started making plans to hollow out a volcano that can be used to smoke the signature Smokehouse Brisket.

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