According to his girlfriend, area man Jeremy Miller pre-ordered the PlayStation 5 this September so that he could be up to date with the latest gaming technology — even though he hasn’t been up to date with the latest underwear technology in over eight years.
“Oh boy, it’s finally here!” said Miller, referring to the video game console he ordered for $499.00, instead of the undergarments he should have ordered for $15.99.
“This baby comes equipped with a whole new architecture, not to mention faster storage and better resolution support,” said Miller, whose girlfriend says is still wearing the Hanes men’s comfort soft waistband mid-rise briefs with the shit stains.
“I can’t wait to test out these next level graphics,” added Miller, who, sources confirm, doesn’t care about the next level smell of ball sweat emanating from his undies.
“He complained about the ‘lag time’ of his old PS4 and replaced it almost immediately,” said Miller’s girlfriend Stephanie Tuffin. “Meanwhile, he refuses to do anything about the fist-sized holes in his one pair of briefs.”
“I can’t wait to play Call of Duty on this thing,” said Miller, whose only real call of duty should be that of driving out to Target and purchasing multiple clean pairs of underwear immediately.
At press time, Miller was deciding whether or not he should change his CoD avatar, while his girlfriend was deciding whether or not she should change boyfriends.