WELLNESS

Melatonin Pill No Match For 3 Cups Of Coffee At 5 PM

Reports from area woman Susan Harmon confirm that taking one melatonin pill at bedtime is completely useless after drinking three cups of coffee in the late afternoon.

“One of these should do the trick,” thought Harmon before ingesting 3 mg of melatonin, an amount that was totally futile after guzzling 400 mg of caffeine.

After taking the initial pill at midnight, Harmon took another at 1 am, still ineffective due to the superhuman levels of caffeine coursing through her veins.

While she reportedly expected the substance to help her get some shuteye immediately, Harmon lay completely wired until 4 am, when she finally fell into a disturbed, restless sleep.

Witnesses claim that Harmon originally allowed herself to drink three cups of coffee because she assumed the melatonin, which ultimately proved itself powerless against the mighty caffeine, would give her a good night’s rest.

“I’m never drinking that much coffee again,” Harmon thought at 3 am, even though she would drink the exact same amount next week and then double her dosage of the useless hormone.

New analytics show that while Harmon thought the pill would reset her sleep cycle, her one night of unrest left her an exhausted shell of the person she once was for the next two weeks.

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