NEWS

Trump Family Plays Annual White House Thanksgiving Football Game With Nuclear Football

According to leaks from White House aides, this year’s annual Trump family Thanksgiving football game is being played with the nuclear football.

“I’m open!” screamed Donald Jr. in the middle of the Rose Garden, trying to get his father to pass him the 45-pound briefcase containing the nuclear launch codes. “Pass me the pigskin!”

Witnesses have confirmed that no one caught the president’s pass, causing the briefcase to hit the ground and spill out its contents, items capable of harnessing such incomprehensible power that they would destroy the entire world in a second if activated.

While certain military aides objected to using the black box for the president’s irresponsible sporting event, they conceded that it was better than him using it for its intended purpose.

The game was played by the Trump men, while the first family’s women sat in bleachers that Melania reportedly made space for by removing all of the Rose Garden’s plants.

“Foul!” declared referee Rudy Giuliani after Eric Trump smacked Jared Kushner in the face with the 45-pound Presidential Emergency Satchel.

Barron Trump acted as his team’s kicker, taking a running start and then booting the briefcase as hard as he possibly could, almost breaking his foot on a communication device that has the potential to start World War III.

Although the president was losing in the third quarter, the opposing team agreed to purposefully lose the game in the last few moments, remembering Donald’s presidential meltdown last year.

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