FEATURED HEALTH

What’s Your Body Shape?

For those of us who never took geometry, it can be tricky to figure out which body shape we are. Here’s our simple guide to see how things are shaping up in the silhouette department.

Triangle: Do you often find that, while walking through a doorway, your head makes it through but your hips get stuck on the other side? You’re probably a triangle. The good news here is that your body is as structurally sound as possible. However, you’re probably not acute enough to catch anyone’s eye.

Square: If the only thing that fits you are those T-shirts they shoot from canons at sports games, you’re a square. You should probably get this checked out. It’s not a turn-on whatsoever.  

Rectangle: Have you ever commissioned a portrait of yourself only to realize you are a portrait? Like, if you stand still for too long near a wall, people start trying to frame you? Yeah, you’re definitely a rectangle. Hopefully you’re at least long-side up and not the other way around.

Circle: Are you as wide around as you are tall? Wait, you actually are? Wow, ok, that means you’re a circle, which is literally the worst possible body shape. The only other person we’ve heard of this happening to is Violet from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Oval: Do you look absolutely ridiculous in overalls? Do you look like you belong in an egg carton? Do other people ever try to shield themselves from danger by standing behind you? If any of these things ring true, that means you’re an oval. Hey, could be worse. Well, actually, probably not.

Octagon: If people stop in their tracks every time you turn to face them, you’re either monstrously ugly or an octagon. We recommend laying off the rouge.

Line: Do you have 0% body fat? Is the fastest way from anywhere on your body to anywhere else on your body a straight line? That’s because you are a line. Way to go, you sexy beast!

Rhombicosidodecahedron: If your body consists of 20 regular triangular faces, 30 square faces, 12 regular pentagonal faces, 60 vertices, and 120 edges, you’re what we like to call a rhombicosidodecahedron. Also, please call us.

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