RELATIONSHIPS

Triumphant At Last: We Have Beat Our Girlfriend At Sex

Finally. The day has come. At long last, we have bested our girlfriend in a match of sex.

It has taken us years to rise to the challenge, but the eons of anticipation only make this victory taste sweeter. Hurrah! At last, we reign victorious in the age-old trial of fornication.

Gone are the days of her winning our evening fuck night after night. Banished is the resentment that arises deep within our loins when she outsmarts us again and again. Alert the townspeople, for the game of sex is finished, and we have emerged as victor!

Only time will tell if we can transform our one victorious session into a streak of winning. Yet this day ends her monopoly on victory, and that is all that matters to us.

Now that we have won against our girlfriend in sex, we may never wager another sex again! For if we do, she could snatch victory straight from our weary grasp. That is a risk we cannot take, and one we must avoid at all costs.

A celebration is in order! While the opposing party must be regrouping and planning improvements in her flawed strategy, we cannot waste the opportunity for a feast. Let the libations flow!

Tonight, we rejoice — for we have won sex!

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