NEWS

‘I Miss Going To The Movies,’ Says Woman Who Clearly Doesn’t Remember Paying $7 For Water Bottle

Witnesses have confirmed that area woman Deborah Mason claims to miss going to the movie theater, proving that she clearly doesn’t remember the injustice of paying seven dollars for a single bottle of water.

“It would be so great if we could see Wonder Woman in theaters,” said Mason, conveniently forgetting that theaters don’t even allow customers to bring their own snacks. “I’d just love to be in one of those big comfy chairs right now.”

Reports show that Mason also claimed to miss popcorn, a snack that she could make in her own microwave for far cheaper than the exorbitant Cinemax price.

“There’s nothing quite like leaning back to watch a movie with a big fountain soda in your cupholder,” Mason continued, despite the fact that she could go lounge on her much more comfortable couch and open one of the Diet Cokes in her fridge.

Mason even longed for the previews before the movie, even though she could enjoy advertising in the comfort of her own home every time she logs on to YouTube or any of the six streaming sites she’s subscribed to.

“I just miss being able to see all the most current movies as soon as they come out,” said Mason, who has access to millions of the best movies of all time on her phone, computer, and tablet.

At press time, Mason was complaining about how she hasn’t gone shopping in nine months, despite the hundreds of dollars she’s spent online.

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