NEWS

Report: Jesus Just Wants To Do Something Small For His Birthday This Year 

According to close friends and family, Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ just wants to do something small to celebrate his birthday this year. 

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate the festivities people have organized for me in past years,” said the King of Kings, referring to what has been one of the most widely celebrated holidays for thousands of years. “I was just thinking it might be nice to do something a little different.” 

According to Christ, his ideal birthday plans for this year would consist of something “casual” and “intimate.” 

“I was thinking of having a few friends over for dinner at my place. Maybe we’ll get takeout and watch a movie or something,” said the Holy Messiah. “There’s no need to get all worked up about it.”

The Son of God’s announcement that he would prefer to have a small gathering in lieu of the events that normally surround December 25 reportedly comes at an awkward time for his Christian followers. 

“Wait, really? Are you serious?” said devout Christian Meg O’Donnelly. “I already put up the lights and tree and everything. And should my family still go to church, or what?” 

At press time, the almighty Jesus Christ was dropping hints that, regarding next Christmas, maybe someone should throw him a surprise party.

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