NUTRITION

Report: Vegan Meal Looks Like Shit

All witnesses are confirming that a local vegan meal, consisting of hard noodles, soggy nuts, bean sprouts, and a watery cream sauce, looks like absolute shit.

The meal, which was served at a vegan café in Berkeley, California, is almost unrecognizable from the picture on the menu.

“I should have known,” said Verity Hughes, who had ordered the entrée for $21.99. “Why did I ever think it would be a good idea to try a vegan restaurant?”

While the dish is supposed to mimic Pad Thai, it looks more like a mushy salad of regurgitated noodles and vegetables.

“Pad Thai is usually my favorite dish, but now it’s been ruined forever,” added Hughes, using a fork to push around wet clumps of cilantro. “Honestly, I’m not sure if I can ever eat Thai food again.”

According to Hughes, this isn’t the first time she’s been served vegan food that looks like a pile of crap.

“I should never have given this vegan thing a second chance,” Hughes added.

According to the restaurant, the food is apparently high in whole grains, fiber, protein, and healthy fats — despite looking like month-old leftovers that have been sitting out in the sun all day.

At press time, Hughes confirmed that the meal also tasted like shit.

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