NUTRITION

Uh Oh: This Woman’s Birthday Is On Christmas, Which Means She’s About To Eat Twice The Desserts

Yikes, this doesn’t bode well. According to sources, area woman Julia Kempner’s birthday is on December 25, and you know what that means — her stomach is about to receive double the desserts. 

Most people think having your birthday on Christmas is only bad for one reason — namely, that your relatives skimp out and only give you half the presents. It turns out that this birth date is actually bad for two reasons, the second one being worse: you’re twice as likely to load up on celebratory sweets. 

While most people only consume a single serving of birthday cake on the anniversary of their birth, or a single serving of figgy pudding on the anniversary of Christ’s birth, Julia is about to consume both. That’s two times the calories, two times the carbs, and two times the cavities. Worst birthday/Christmas ever!

“I like having my birthday on Christmas,” said Julia when reached for comment. “It makes me feel special.”

Hmmm, we’re not buying it. Not unless “special” is code for “bloated.” 

Now, there are some clever people who recognize that a Christmas birthday means you’re getting the short end of the stick. However, the cleverness stops when they decide that this means you should have a separate birthday and Christmas celebration.

WRONG! The only correct solution is to skip either Christmas or your birthday. We recommend skipping your birthday because Christmas desserts tend to be grosser. ‘B’ for birthday cake, ‘B’ for binge eating. See what we mean? 

Yep, we can all agree that one day of desserts a year is more than enough. Now, don’t even get us started on Hanukkah.

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