Reports are showing that the updated model of the Boeing 737 Max will utilize a brand-new mechanism that involves the aircraft flapping vigorously during takeoff and landing.
“Our new flapping technology will correct all the issues that existed in the last model of the 737 Max,” said Boeing CEO Dave Calhoun. “We’ve copied the motions of animals that flap, such as birds and bats, in order to ensure that our planes are safe.”
“It’s very rare that you see birds fall out of the sky, so we thought we’d take a similar approach to seagulls and sparrows,” Calhoun continued. “If we make our planes as bird-like as possible, it’s very likely that our planes will stop falling out of the sky.”
While all recent 737 flights have been safe so far, initial passengers have claimed that the new bird-like motion causes extreme turbulence upon both takeoff and landing.
“It was like being in the body of a crow,” said passenger Bart Cress. “Every time the plane flapped, it dropped a few feet and then rapidly surged upwards.”
Flight attendants confirm that, by the end of the flight, the cabin was totally covered in vomit.
“We’re now urging the airlines who use our 737s to provide Dramamine,” added Calhoun. “At least to passengers flying in first class.”
New reports show that Boeing engineers are currently filling aircraft hangars with giant nests.