NUTRITION

Yuletide Nutritionists Recommend 5 Servings Of Fruitcake Per Day

To meet daily nutritional needs, spirited nutritionists are now recommending that everyone should eat at least five servings of fruitcake per day.

“It’s important to consume at least five servings of fruitcake per day to make sure that you reach your recommended daily intakes of Christmas cheer, holiday spirit, and overall mirth,” said nutritionist Chris Wright, wearing a Santa hat. “Five servings of fruitcake will also provide you with all the fiber you need for a whole day.”

To stay hydrated, nutritionists are also recommending that everyone drink at least five glasses of eggnog per day.

“If you look at the Xmas food pyramid, the entire base level consists of fruitcake, Christmas pudding, peppermint bark, and Yule log,” continued Wright, pointing to a food pyramid shaped like a Christmas tree. “But it’s also essential to eat from some of the upper levels, which include candy canes and Christmas cookies.”

According to the merry nutritionists, the most important source of protein around this time of year is Roast Beast.

Cheerful nutritionists everywhere have also increased the average male’s daily recommended calorie intake from 2,500 to 4,000, allowing everyone to nourish their bodies with hot cocoa and gingerbread men.

“While we also usually recommend at least 10,000 steps every day, the only physical activity you should be doing this Christmas is running down the stairs to find your presents under the tree,” said Wright.

At press time, nutritionists recommended that all the vegetables in your fridge on Christmas Eve should be going to Santa’s reindeer.

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