All witnesses have confirmed that the most flavorful snack at your celiac friend’s house is Quaker Lightly Salted Rice Cakes.
In addition to being the most flavorful, the rice cakes were also the only snack that remained intact.
“I tried eating a pre-packaged bagel he had in the back of a cupboard,” said Gary Edwards, who accompanied you to your friend’s bastion of blandness, “but it just crumbled in my hand before I could put it in my mouth.”
While your friend had some snacks that initially appeared appetizing — such as gluten-free muffins, off-brand fig newtons, and sandwich cookies — they all turned to dust as soon as they touched your lips.
“Try some of these donuts,” said your friend, taking from the freezer a box of gluten-free donuts that were far inferior to simple rice cakes. “These taste just like the real thing, right?”
This marks the third year in a row that your friend has nothing better in his pantry than plain, dry patties of puffed rice.
“Why don’t you try some of these crackers?” your gluten-free friend asked, right before you shook your head and assured him you were fine sticking with trusty ol’ rice cakes.
When your friend announced that he was going to cook up a box of lentil pasta for dinner, you opted for another sleeve of rice cakes instead.