FEATURED NUTRITION

6 Healthy Snacks That Will Get Your Child Bullied Beyond Belief

Need some ideas for fun, healthy snacks that you can pack your child for snacks at school? These 6 nutritious treats are low-calorie, low-fat, and they’ll fit right into any lunch box. Not only will they provide your child important nutrients to keep them full throughout the day, but they’ll also make sure your kid is the target of relentless bullying!

1. Fruit Leather

When fruit won’t stay fresh in your child’s lunch box, these leathery strips are the perfect solution. Made from 100% fruit, that fuckwad in Mrs. Gray’s class will 100% inform your child that his healthy snack is gross, weird, and stupid. Although these nutritious strips have 0 grams of added sugar, they’ll be sure to add to your child’s growing list of insecurities. Fruit leather comes in a huge variety of flavors and is the perfect treat to get your child called a huge variety of hurtful names.

2. Ants on a Log

Ants on a Log is a kid favorite that will give your child plenty of energy as he’s being beat up for bringing such a weird snack. These power-packed bites are low in carbs and will have all the bullies saying, “Peter eats ants! Peter’s an ant-eater! Let’s all call him Ant-Peter for the rest of his life!” The creamy peanut butter will complement the celery’s delicious crunch as your child holds back tears. Ants on a Log is full of healthy fats that will get your child called things much worse than fat. And the nutritious peanut butter is topped with delicious raisins, healthy little treats which the bullies will almost certainly convince everyone are tiny pieces of shit.

3. Cottage Cheese

Cottage cheese is packed with nutrients, including vitamin B6, choline, zinc, and copper. Protein accounts for over 70% of the calories in cottage cheese, making it the perfect mid-morning snack to keep your child full until lunch. Not only is it a perfect snack, but cottage cheese is the perfect attention-grabber for any of the mean older kids. Try the low-fat varieties for an equally tasty treat!

4. Turkey Pinwheels

Is your child tired of plain old sandwiches? With only four ingredients and cut into bite-sized pieces, these turkey pinwheels will keep snack time fresh. They taste great, all while allowing your child to experience a taste of hell. In addition to making for a no-mess treat, these bites will provoke the classroom menace to ask why your kid isn’t eating a real sandwich. Adding a slice of cheese to these sandwich bites will make them so cute, it might even make up for when Margaret Lee’s dumbass kid gathers six of his friends to mock your child for ten agonizing minutes that will instill severe trust issues in your son or daughter until they die.

5. Apple Slices And Peanut Butter

Apple slices are full of fiber, natural sugar, and Vitamin C. Add energy-rich peanut butter, and you have a timeless combination perfect for kids of any age. Not only are these full of flavor, but they’ll also have the school tormentors saying stuff like, “Oh my God, Jeffrey’s allergic to peanuts — are you trying to kill Jeffrey?” Use all-natural peanut butter for a snack with low additives and a high chance that your kid will be emotionally impacted for the rest of his life. Apples contain polyphenols, which might even be worth all the bastards ostracizing your child because they for some reason think he’s trying to murder that one kid with a peanut allergy. Use green apples for an extra tart flavor!

6. Kashi Honey Almond Flax Granola Bar

Sometimes, bullying is just plain arbitrary. It’s cruel, and the bullies often have no rhyme or reason to eviscerate your child for the food he or she eats. Should your child get bullied for bringing in delicious, whole grain-rich granola bars? Probably not. But trust us, these fiber-rich, low sodium treats will get them so humiliated at school that they’ll never want to go back. Why? We have absolutely no idea. But trust us on this one, we know from experience that these are an absolutely terrible idea. If we’d never brought that Kashi Honey Almond Flax granola bar to Mrs. Markowitz’s class in the third grade, we would’ve saved thousands of dollars in therapy.

Well, there you have it! Healthy snacks like these are a great way to build long-lasting healthy habits in your child while also making sure they have permanent insecurities and other emotional issues.

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