RELATIONSHIPS

Area Boyfriend Unsure He’ll Be Able To Handle Stress Of Short-Distance Relationship

Witnesses confirm that, after receiving the news that his girlfriend will be moving within a 15-mile radius of his home, area boyfriend Ricky Henderson is doubtful that he’ll be able to handle the stress of a short-distance relationship.

While Henderson, who lives in Manhattan, had previously been separated from Los Angeles-based girlfriend Jane Williams by 3,000 miles, the couple will now be in walking distance.

“I’m so excited that we’ll be living so close together,” Henderson told his significant other, despite the deep-seeded doubts that the lack of 10 states between them would cause their relationship to crumble.

Although many couples dread situations in which they have to live on opposite coasts, Henderson described the former arrangement’s benefits as “space,” “not having to see her all the time,” and “getting to hang out with friends more often.” Henderson has described himself as “extremely skeptical” that a relationship in which he has to see his girlfriend multiple times per week will actually work.

“When she moved to LA after we finished college, I just had so much extra space,” said Henderson in confidence. “Now, there’s only going to be a 20-minute car ride between us instead of a 48-hour car ride.”

“I’m hoping that Ricky and I can move in together after a year or so,” said the smitten Williams, under the incorrect impression that moving to the same state as the love of her life would have positive effects on their relationship.

Henderson was last seen mapping the longest route to reach Williams’s new apartment.

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