FITNESS

Finally: This New Hot Yoga Class Only Allows Hot People

At last — the days of your hot yoga classes being filled with unattractive slobs are over. This new hot yoga class in Westport, Connecticut only allows hot people to participate!

How many times have you signed up for hot yoga, only to walk in and see that the class is populated with flat-out 2s? Well, no more false advertising! In order to participate in the class, you’ll have to pass an inspection that evaluates you based on looks, body shape, overall energy, and smell.

The new class comes as a relief to sexy yogis everywhere who pay in advance and then find out they were scammed once they see disgusting monsters who can’t even balance in a Simple Warrior II. The FitBuddha studio in Westport has it right — hot yoga is only for hot people.

Seriously, who wants to see a room full of gremlins sweating their asses off in 90+ degree heat? And don’t even get us started on the smell! All these regular people can go back to their regular yoga classes, while us sexy, fit people exercise where we belong — hot yoga.

Lucky for our foul-looking friends, FitBuddha is now offering inspection retakes every six months after their initial failure! The subsequent inspections will include a weigh-in and require you to strip off all your clothes in front of a panel of four judges.

At long last, the uggos will learn to stay in their lane! Never again will you end up shaking your head in disappointment after watching the village fiends drip all over their mats before the end of the first Downward Dog.

We’ll finally get the hot yoga we pay for — a room full of sexy, overheating bodies that moan as their glistening six packs graze the bright pink rubber of their mats.

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