Global warming is quite possibly the worst thing that’s ever happened. Before global warming, everyone had a fair shake when it came to losing weight. Exercise used to mean something. Calories used to strike fear into the hearts of all. But now that things have started to heat up, it seems that some of us — cough cough, the polar ice caps — are exempt from all that.
Just take a look at the Arctic. According to scientists, the polar ice caps effortlessly shed 475 billion metric tonnes in the last year alone. That’s over a billion pounds! And they didn’t even have to do anything besides sit out in the sun all day.
Imagine if life were that easy. We would personally pay millions of dollars to have all our extra water weight melt right off our body and plunge into the sea. Even liposuction can’t work those kinds of wonders!
And it doesn’t even look like the glaciers are facing any ramification for finally achieving their dream bodies. If we were to lose that much weight that fast, we’d be left with saggy skin, poor metabolism, and the fear of regaining it all! The only consequences those ice monoliths are facing for their (non)-action are rising sea levels and the imminent extinction of some species. Talk about a small price to pay!
The bottom line? How about, from now on, we spend less time trying to save the environment — and more time trying to save ourselves from the unrealistic body images we keep receiving from our not-so-friendly neighbors, the North and South Poles.