Researchers at Miami University of Ohio have released a new study citing the benefits of regular jogging as cardiovascular improvements, mental health boosts, and a feeling of superiority over anyone who does not jog.
“Our findings prove that regular exercise can strengthen muscles and help to maintain a healthy weight,” said researcher Morris Brown, “in addition to providing an inflated sense of self that’s a complete burden for all friends and family.”
Brown stated that joggers are at risk of boasting to everyone they meet about their “runner’s high” or how much energy they have during the day.
“Now that I’ve started jogging, I feel like I can do anything,” said trial participant Patrick Davis. “I just can’t imagine how I must have felt before exercising every day. Just thinking about it makes me feel like a disgusting slob.”
While jogging can help people to shed pounds of fat, it will undoubtedly cause them to gain the notion that they’re somehow better than everyone who doesn’t jog.
The study also found that while jogging every day improves the mental health of a jogger, it also greatly lowers the self esteem of anyone around them.
Scientists are warning that jogging can also have harmful side effects, such as being a gateway exercise to long-distance running, which will put runners at the risk of becoming entirely unbearable to be in a room with for more than five minutes.