FITNESS

Lucky Bastard: This Man Shattered His Tailbone And Doesn’t Have To Exercise For The Next 6–8 Weeks

Ugh, lucky. This son of a gun Tyreek Holmes shattered his tailbone after slipping on a patch of ice yesterday, and now he doesn’t have to get off the couch for the next one to two months! 

That means no having to wake up early to go jogging, no having to hit the gym after work, no having to squeeze in a few extra crunches throughout the course of the day, no nothing! He just gets to stay in bed 24/7 while he waits for the remnants of his broken coccyx to heal. Some people just have all the luck.

And you know what else isn’t fair? Holmes has a bonafide excuse for getting to be so lazy. If anyone else tried to get away with skipping so many workouts in a row, they’d be socially ostracized in a second. But no; Holmes has a signed note from his doctor saying he needs bed rest and that he has to refrain from moving the lower half of his body as much as possible. Some people would call that following the doctor’s orders. We’re gonna call that total BS.

It probably doesn’t even hurt that much. Seriously, what are the chances a tailbone cracked in half right down the middle could be anyone near as painful as say, holding a kettlebell while doing 25 Russian twists? Even if he does end up having to get a second surgery to remove the splinters of bone that got wedged in his flesh during the accident, it’s not like he won’t be on painkillers — unlike the rest of us, who are left with nothing to ward off the pain from a hard day’s work except for our natural endorphins.

Now that we think about it, Holmes probably purposely slipped on the ice so that he doesn’t have to feel guilty about not exercising every day. Pretty clever of him — too bad we didn’t think of that first. Damn, what we wouldn’t give to be Tyreek Holmes, arguably one of the luckiest bastards on earth.

 

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