TSA Agent Working X-Ray Machine Unsure If He Should Tell Passenger About Tumor

Reports show that TSA agent Harry McDowell of JFK airport is unsure whether or not he should alert passenger Martha Brown about the malignant tumor that appeared on the X-ray machine as she walked through airport security.

While Brown wasn’t carrying any sharp objects or other weapons, McDowell did find a cancerous growth in her breast on the brink of metastasis.

“Could you go through the machine again? I think you may have a few quarters in your pocket,” McDowell told Brown, completely neglecting to tell her about the lump in her breast with the potential to end her life.

Although McDowell was conflicted as to whether or not he should tell Brown about her impending death, he eventually figured that he shouldn’t say anything, since Brown wasn’t carrying any liquids above 3.4 ounces.

“It’s my job to make sure that passengers aren’t carrying anything dangerous,” said McDowell, somehow ignoring the danger of the mass of uncontrollably dividing cells lodged in Brown’s chest. “As long as an object poses no threat to other passengers or the aircraft, I’m not in the position to say anything.”

“Have a great trip,” McDowell told Brown as she left security, knowing that her trip has a high chance of being ruined by the discovery of late-stage cancer or an emergency visit to the hospital. “Thank you for choosing JFK.”

At press time, McDowell confiscated a jar of strawberry jam, an item that could have posed a serious threat to airline passengers.

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