Rapidly unfolding reports are coming from American Airlines flight 0380 that passenger Grace Waters is refusing to put on her oxygen mask.
“It’s my constitutional right not to wear that face prison,” insisted Waters, just after a sudden drop in altitude caused yellow oxygen masks to deploy. “I can breathe just fine.”
Even after the pilot explained to the cabin that wearing the life-saving masks was mandatory, Waters still refused, claiming that the plane’s declining levels of oxygen were a hoax.
“Everyone needs to stop listening to the pilot,” Waters said, referring to the expert captain who had served in the air force for 20 years before logging over 15,000 hours of commercial flights. “He don’t know nothin’, and I don’t see no depressura-mization.”
Even as the situation became more dire and the aircraft’s oxygen levels continued to decline at alarming rates, a blue-faced Waters claimed that everyone currently wearing an oxygen mask was a sheep.
“Take off your masks!” choked Waters, struggling to breathe in the aircraft that had just lost 3,000 more feet after one of the engines shut down.
At press time, Waters was protesting the seatbelt sign, claiming that being locked behind a polyester strip is no way to live life.