RELATIONSHIPS

Show Your Girlfriend How Much You Love Her With This Bouquet Of — Wait, Roses Cost How Much?!

Your girlfriend is the best person in the whole wide world. Let’s be honest, she’s so good to you, you probably don’t even deserve her. That’s why this Valentine’s Day, you’re going to show her how much she means to you by going to the florist and buying her the biggest, fanciest bouquet of —

Wait, are you serious? That’s how much roses cost? 

What if you just got them without the whole bouquet thing? Forget the vase and the ribbon. What’s the total now? Good God, that’s still pricey. That’s like half your paycheck! Yes, of course your girlfriend would be worth it. She’s worth infinity times that! But come on, we can all admit that price tag is a little ridiculous. 

What about a different color rose? Like white? No, no, those are for weddings or something. Or maybe it’s funerals. Either way, definitely not. 

What if you just got her one rose? Or would that look cheap? Yeah, better not. Last year that restaurant you went to gave free roses to all the couples, and they were pretty big too. You don’t want to be shown up by the waiter, that would be super embarrassing. 

Do they always cost this much, or is it just on Valentine’s Day? Maybe you could come back tomorrow and they’d be on sale, like how candy is always on sale the day after Halloween. But that probably wouldn’t be very romantic….

Wait, what are those flowers over there! They’re red. That’s, like, basically the same thing as buying a dozen roses, right? She probably won’t even know the difference. In fact, she doesn’t even know you’re planning on getting her flowers, so she’ll be pleasantly surprised no matter what.

Not that you wouldn’t buy her the dozen roses if it ever came down to it. Heck, you’d even buy her 1,000 roses! If it were up to you, you’d pick her up in a horse-drawn carriage filled to the brim with roses! And there’d be a parade, and the parade route would be a bed of roses covered in rose petals. And it wouldn’t matter how expensive the bill was because the look on your girlfriend’s face would make it all worth it. 

But not today. Today, you’ll take a dozen of the cheapest red flowers they’ve got. Don’t bother wrapping them, you can just hold them in your hand for now and put them in an empty recycling container when you get home. Wait, 50% off for the half-wilted ones? Are you for real? Fuck yes, this is gonna be the best Valentine’s Day ever! 

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