Unbelievable. Un. Fucking. Believable.
You wanna know what horrible, terrifying, unspeakable thing our roommate Kathy sees whenever she’s paralyzed in bed, awake but unable to speak or move? Does she see aliens creeping in to abduct and experiment on her? Nope. An evil, withered old witch cackling in the corner? Nope. A little goblin man taking a shit on her chest? Nope.
It’s Idris Elba.
Yep, that’s right. Idris. Goddamn. Elba. You know, Heimdall from the Avengers movies. Five-time Emmy nominated actor. The man whose films have made over nine billion dollars at the box office. The man who People Magazine declared 2018’s Sexiest Man alive!
Now we know what you’re thinking, we can’t see inside Kathy’s head, how can we possibly know what she sees? Well it’s because she never shuts up about it. We get it, if we saw Idris Elba in our bed we would brag about it every chance we got too, but that doesn’t mean we want to hear about it from her!
Jesus Christ, some people just have all the luck don’t they? You know what we see when we have sleep paralysis? Is it Chris Hemsworth? Henry Cavill? Zac Efron? Nope! The goblin man taking a shit! And the witch! And the aliens! Yep, all at once! Guess we can’t all be as fortunate as Kathy.
We know we shouldn’t get too mad at her, sleep paralysis is a shitty thing to deal with. But every night when the goblin man comes a-calling, we can’t help but wish we were Kathy.