In a long sought victory for breakfast traditionalists everywhere, the Supreme Court has ruled that discolored banana and egg concoctions may never again be considered pancakes.
“I could hardly believe that this disgusting puddle of breakfast was being passed off as pancakes,” said Justice Kavanaugh. “It was a battle, but I knew from the very start that this case was one of the most important of my entire life.”
While Justices Kavanaugh, Barrett, Gorsuch, Thomas, and Alito voted to de-classify the lumpy, pungent batter as pancakes, more liberal justices fought to widen the spectrum of what can legally be considered a flapjack.
“They taste just as good as regular pancakes,” said Justice Sonia Sotomayor. “Sometimes I put flax seeds in my banana and egg mixture for some extra Omegas-3s.”
While this may be a huge win for breakfast, the fight for a better meal still rages on with the Supreme Court voting to decide if turkey bacon is really bacon.