HEALTH

Report: Apple A Day No Longer Enough To Keep Fruit-Resistant Strain Of Doctors Away

A recent report from an independent study performed at the University of Nebraska shows that a single apple is no longer enough to keep the population safe from doctors. A new strain of doctors has been found in some parts of the country, which is cause for concern, according to the team of researchers.

“This new strain of doctors is no joke. It’s not just apples that they’re resistant to, it’s every fruit,” stated Tom Walters, head of the research team. “This is very serious. We need the population to have two pieces of fruit when out in public to reduce their risk of exposure.” 

Walters and his team performed several rounds of tests to determine the origin of this new strain of medical professionals and found an alarming rate of mutation within them. “They’re getting smarter. We have to be prepared to keep up with them,” said Walters. According to their research, the new strain of doctor entered the U.S. via a plane from Europe, and can already be found in several cities around the country. 

The research team recommends two apples a day but the best way to stay safe is to stay away from hospitals and to keep distance from strangers, as they could be carrying medical degrees.

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